She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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