There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
