Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wish there were birth control emojis
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
