Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he thought i was a dude.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
