It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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