I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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