Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
