No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
