my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
