the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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