A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
