I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
