Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
