Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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