Whod you bang
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
