..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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