If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Found your dick twin last night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
