i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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