im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
