I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
