I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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