I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
