I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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