I got chris browned last night
Michael Bay diarrhea
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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