Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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