you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize