I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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