i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
