i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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