No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
