so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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