'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
