if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
