also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
