HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
