if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
