My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
