I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Boobs speak an international language.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
