if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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