Banned from zoo.
Again?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
