Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
