I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize