You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
