last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
