...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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