I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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