8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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