Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
