My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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