he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize