so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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