When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
