Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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