dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Mom said you looked used
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
