I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
