i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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