Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
