I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
