there's paper in my vomit.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
