In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
