And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
