I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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