i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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