eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
