i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
