If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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