Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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