The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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