Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
