new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
