dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
