At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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