if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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